you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
