Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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