Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
