I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
