I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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