My Higher Power is John Stamos
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
