Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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