Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
