I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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