im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
