I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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