Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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