So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
