Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
