I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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