FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
