My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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