The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize