:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
