White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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