its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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