Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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