Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
