I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
