i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
True strength comes from lack of pants
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize