Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the liver wants what the liver wants
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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