Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
