just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
