mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
