You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A bitchslap is in order.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
