she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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