I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
