So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
