I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
