Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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