I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize