Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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