If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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