AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
