Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
cat food counts as protein by the way
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
