We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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