She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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