Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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