Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
