farters have to be the big spoon...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
