I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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