Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
