How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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