my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
