Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
