Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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