garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
