My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
