I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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