why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
