i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I didn't notice because vodka
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
