my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
