I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
