My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
