im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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