Duck Duck Cougar?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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