I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
