If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
