Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i believe in u and ur pee
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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