so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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