Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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