Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Randomize