Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
