I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize