either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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