you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize