I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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