i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
