I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
3 2 1 whiskey
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
