Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize