No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
