she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
