I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
