I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
