I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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