K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
