After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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