Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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