I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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