doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
