i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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