He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
