we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
