my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
